I am Awesome!

“Our visions begin with our desires.” – Audre Lorde

Yes, I am awesome! I have been rockin’ my goals this week! (For a closer look at February and March’s goals, look here. For a complete list of all my current goals, look here.) Today, thank you very much, is SEVEN DAYS without cigarettes!! WOO HOO!! If that was the only thing I accomplished this week, I would be proud. Nicotine is a powerful drug. At my husband’s suggestion, I have ordered myself a $30 reward (an out of print children’s book I’ve been wanting in my library). In the last week I have eaten more chocolate and smoked more marijuana than I have in a long time. That oral fixation really takes a toll on me. Hand to mouth, hand to mouth. Must consume, consume, consume . . . This is something that I’ve often contemplated – this need from without. Why am I not content from within? What makes me constantly search for things outside of myself to bring me happiness?

I have noticed that many of my addictions revolve around making me feel better about wasting time. Cigarettes and procrastination go hand-in-hand: I’ll do that chore, as soon as I have a cigarette. I’ll start that task, just let me have a cigarette first. Marijuana (which I admit that I am addicted to) makes me feel better about wasting time. If I feel lazy and happy (and so does my husband) then what is wrong with doing nothing? Sometimes even things like alcohol (which I rarely drink) or cocaine (which has often been a temptation for me in the past) are really just distractions from the fact that I could be doing something more valuable with my time. Like Conor Oberst sings in the song below, “What was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane.”

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Why is it that if I sit down and list things that make me happy – activities that I wish I had time for – then when I do have free time it isn’t those activities I choose? Is that habit? Addiction? Unworthiness? Misinterpretation? Anxiety? I find that I am always preoccupied with time and how long things are going to take. Yesterday on my day off I wanted to walk the dog, do the laundry, finish a work assignment, and play a new video game. I spent a couple of hours in the morning on the video game and the whole time I kept checking the clock, calculating how long the other chores were going to take. It’s my day week off!! Why can’t I relax?? These are the kinds of thoughts I’ve been having; quitting smoking forces me to take a closer look at my motivations.

But wait, there’s more! I have also done awesome on the self-care routines this week. I have completed a full skin care routine at least once every day, and twice on all the days I wore makeup. My blackheads are quickly disappearing. I have brushed my teeth twice per day more often than not, and at least once every day even if I didn’t leave the house. I think I only flossed and rinsed once, but that’s still far above and beyond normal. The crazy part is – I love it. I so enjoy my skin feeling soft and my teeth feeling clean. It seems to me that a huge percentage of whatever is preventing me from these new habits – is mental. It’s all in my head.

There are some things I was not so successful at this week – but notice that I did not choose to focus on them first. I am proud of my accomplishments, and know that there is still work to be done. The planning time every day has not come into place yet. The research I did on habit trackers was interesting, but I have not yet found something that I feel is perfect for me . . . so that’s still in the works. I did not officially practice getting up to the alarm, but I’m improving in this area (see below). I have not been drinking much water during my time off so far, but I have quit wake-up caffeine! I have not had coffee within 3 hours of waking up all week long. The past 3 or 4 days I haven’t had any coffee beverages at all (just diet cola and occasional tea)!

As far as the alarm goes, this morning my husband and I did not set an alarm at all and woke up at 6 am anyway. However, the problem is that we still stayed in bed until 7, just as we would have if we had been hitting snooze. That’s what I really wanted to practice for – to get right out of bed . . . Granted things have not gone as planned. My husband was sick all weekend and stayed home Monday, so I didn’t do things exactly as I’d intended originally (meaning, I did not practice on Monday and Tuesday). I still have time to practice this week and it’s a great start that I’m already waking up naturally at 6am, I just need to work on actually getting up!

Overall, my December goals are pretty cemented in now. January has one goal that still needs a little work: drinking water. (In fact, I’m thinking of upping my blog posts to twice per week considering my progress takes up a whole post and I want to also be able to have other posts as well.) February/March are well on their way with just a little more tweaking needed in the flossing and getting out of bed departments. That is all, as I said before, AWESOME!!! I am incredibly proud to be able to report in with positive results for the first time in over a month.

“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”

- Alice in Wonderland

* Note: I would like to say that I am not some huge Bright Eyes fan who only posts their songs : ). I have a HUGE taste in music, which you will see at some point. I love old school funk and soul, underground hip-hop, and most rock varieties (lately there’s an emphasis on indie). My favorite two bands are probably Modest Mouse and Neutral Milk Hotel which, yes, I know are somewhat similar to Bright Eyes . . . but my most listened to track in iTunes is Arrested Development’s “People Everyday” and my cell phone ringtone is “Get Up Offa That Thing” by James Brown. Just to give you an idea. Anyway, the reason Bright Eyes has come up twice already is because I listened to one of their albums last month for the first time in years and really enjoyed it, so it’s in the queue right now, but later it will be other things. Just so you know.

A New Day

This post could easily follow much of the same themes from last week. Frustrating things happened, I didn’t make my goals a priority, I’ve been sedentary and stressed out and resentful. I’ve just been treading water, drifting along and, as George Bernard Shaw said, “To drift is to be in hell, to be in heaven is to steer.” So, instead of complaining about the negative, I am going to focus on the positive today – I am going to start steering.

I accomplished a lot this week. I only have 2 more days until my time off and my dysfunctional relatives postponed their trip another week. I have started making plans for how I want to use that time. I feel thin for the first time in a long time and I haven’t even been working on that. Plus, tomorrow is a new day. Today is the last day of February. I may not have done as well as I’d have liked this month, but it’s over now. I’ve smoked my last cigarette. On to March. This month I am going to rock it!

I have a couple of new ideas that I think might help me. On my “Reading List” page, you can see I have listed a website called Joe’s Goals. This is a web-based goal tracker that I discovered through Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project Blog. Recently, I read on Bettering Self about a couple of other habit trackers and I am going to play around with them tonight and choose one to use from now on. I think the visual aspect of this will help. I have thought before about carrying around a 3×5 card, but it would just sit in my purse, like the list of goals in my planner I never look at.

I have also reviewed my Franklin Covey planner guide so that I may most effectively utilize this great tool. I highly recommend their planners, particularly the 7 Habits version. During my time off, I am really going to work on my morning and evening routines. I want to plan and accomplish tasks more effectively. I want to make self-care a priority. I want to create time for new goals like meditation and daily writing. I have a novel idea floating around in my mind and I really want to nurture it.

One thing I had planned to do during my time off was create a mission statement. However, when I looked in my planner, I remembered that I had completed several activities and come up with one in December. I want to really start focusing on this and may revise it if I find it is not fitting my true intentions. I think this can also help me feel motivated to carry out my goals. My personal mission statement is:

I am a passionate, healthy, & spiritual activist-writer. My purpose is to inspire others by creating a world that cherishes nature, humanity, and creativity.

So, all three of my February goals are now March goals as well, which you can see on the revised “Goals” page. Starting tomorrow I am quitting smoking, quitting coffee (see this addition under January’s “Drink more water & tea” goal), and working on my morning and evening routines (including self-care and time for planning). Starting the Monday of my week off I will practice the alarm for two days and then start 30 days of waking up at 6 am. I may continue to practice the first few days if waking up is not yet easy. I am hoping to have the habit somewhat down by the time I go back to work on the 13^th.

I think if I can accomplish the goals above, it will create more time for me to add more of my desired upcoming goals. After all, these are things I want to have in my life! Why do I avoid them so? For all the desire I supposedly have for happiness, I sure have a hard time working towards it sometimes. The important thing is that I do not give up. Here’s to March!

“Those who wish to transform the world must be able to transform themselves.” Konrad Heiden

Going Downhill

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius

Well, I’m blowing it! I feel crappy, I’m disappointed in myself, and there are signs everywhere reminding me that I’m failing at my goals (for a complete list of my current goals see my “Goals” page). My face is covered in blackheads because I’m not drinking enough water, not washing my face at night, and still smoking cigarettes. I’m not even eating well, even though my house is filled with vegetables and pre-made healthy meals! AND I’m behind on the blog posts. It sucks and I’m really bummed about it.

When I have been starting to get a bit caught up or have something positive happen and start to feel good then inevitably there is more negativity or backsliding and I spiral out of control. Good news: my December goals have become second nature. I have broken the habit of constantly checking e-mail, news, Facebook, rss reader, etc. I can’t say for sure that these things have influenced my attitude, but I definitely think they are making a difference. Bad news: my February goals are very quickly becoming March goals. Some of them I have not even attempted (like practicing the alarm), and I haven’t done any of them for more than 1 or 2 days in a row.

My January goals are all at least 50% habit now. Keeping up with all the CSA vegetables has turned out to be really challenging and, at times, stressful. Remembering to take my frozen OAMM meals out of the freezer has, for some reason, become incredibly difficult. Then when I forget my meals, and fail to make my vegetables, instead of finding a healthy alternative – I totally splurge. As I sit at my desk right now, the food I bought for lunch in front of me is: Caesar’s salad, macaroni and cheese, a zucchini/squash side dish, diet coke, and chips. WAAAYYY too much food for lunch (granted, I skipped breakfast and was starving) and nothing is really healthy besides the squash (and even that is probably over-cooked in oil). Terrible habits.

However, there have been some exciting changes in my life this last week. Most importantly, my husband and I have adopted a dog! We’re animal people and have tried to find a suitable dog for our little family for a while now. When my coworker’s grandfather passed away and left behind a 6-year-old Bulldog, we were quick to agree to adopt her. She is a pleasure. She’s well-trained, sweet, mellow and the perfect size for us in our small house.

I do feel a little like Katie over at Momentum Gathering, who got a puppy for Christmas and then shortly afterwards decided to put away the novel she’d been working on because she had too much going on in her life. However, so far, the new doggie has been nothing but a joy. In fact, I’ve gotten much better about getting out of bed in the morning now that I have to do a new cat-and-dog-breakfast-routine. Maybe I won’t need to practice the alarm at all! On the other hand, the new addition will definitely affect more than just our morning routine and some of the plans/goals I have may need to be revised to reflect these changes.

Meanwhile, I have family drama going on. For some reason, on one side of my family, being the responsible one somehow makes you a problem. All the dysfunctional, unemployed, drug-addict, alcoholic, moochers in the family get rewarded with free cars, houses, and money. It’s always “poor them.” Meanwhile, I work my butt off and do all I can to help with my dad and then if I have something to complain about, they just brush it off. “Oh you’re always angry, you’re never happy.” Those are the kinds of responses I get.

One of my uncles, who hasn’t worked in 20+ years even though he’s only in his 50’s, had the nerve to ask if I was going to quit my job to take care of my dad. And how would I freaking survive then?? I don’t have the luxury of being supported by my mother! You already don’t work – why don’t you offer to come take care of your brother?!? His wife burst into my house unannounced and called me a fucking whore for no reason a couple of months ago. Now she has been invited to come back down and stay for free on the same property as my house where I pay rent! “We don’t want to see her, either,” they say. Well then why did you invite her? And why doesn’t she stay with you instead of right next to me?!? Yes, I have resentment. I have yet to receive any kind of apology and even then, I don’t think I’m ready to forgive her yet.

What I really need is some kind of fresh start. I used to be able to make these plans for changing my life when I was a teenager and it would create a HUGE amount of inspiration for me. Even if I had discovered something like The Happiness Project or The 7 Habits, I could really get inspired and feel good about change. I just don’t have that drive anymore. I will feel excited for a few minutes, or a few hours, and by the end of the day it is gone. How can I get that back again?

Next week my father will start chemotherapy. The week after that I am taking a solo-stay-cation off of work. I will not be going anywhere and my husband won’t be off work. It will just be me (and the new dog) at home getting stuff done (how convenient that my crazy aunt will be so close to me during this time!). I know at least one of those days will be lazy, and there may be some medical appointments I need to go to with my dad, but I am hoping to create some kind of mini-retreat day for myself in there, too. Perhaps I can get myself feeling good and really reaffirm WHY I want to make these changes in my life.

Road Blocks

I need a motivation boost. I have not made my February goals a priority at all (for a complete list of my current and upcoming goals, see my “Goals” page) and if I don’t do something soon – it will become commonplace for me to ignore them. I have all these thoughts floating around in my head (particularly when I’m laying in bed at night) about all of my  roadblocks to goal accomplishment. There are so many factors to consider in all areas of my life – but a huge issue for me is HABIT.

Regardless of whether they are good or bad, my life is made up of a series of  habits. I think that my environment is conducive to continuing my habitual behaviors, but I don’t have the luxury of changing much about my environment at this point. I do have my husband working on a project to somewhat enclose our deck in order to give me a home workspace that is less distracting. We live in a very small place, a “cabin” we call it, with no privacy or silence or empty space to spread out in. This is a hindrance to my productivity and inspiration.

There are a lot of habits I want to break, as well as a large number of habits that I would like to instill in my every day life. Why is this such a challenge? Well, if you read my last post on guilt & giving, you may have read the linked article about why it is so hard for us to change. Professors Kegan and Lahey say to look at your underlying anxieties about the changes you want to make. “They ask us: What would happen if we stopped the behavior that gets in the way of achieving the goals we’ve set for ourselves?” That’s a pretty heavy question when you try to answer it.

So, the issue isn’t necessarily motivation at all – it might be fear (the ladies at Chronically Distracted touched on the topic of fear this week as well). Is fear holding me back? Well I’m sure it is to some extent, but just how much? Let’s look at the goals I’m struggling with and see what underlying anxieties I might have about them:

What would happen if I stopped drinking so many caffeinated beverages (like soda and coffee) and started drinking more water and tea?

• My skin would look better! (I’ve been getting blackheads like crazy lately and my lips are always super chapped.)
• I would have to pee more often (this can sometimes be an inconvenience).
• I would feel better, wake up earlier, and be healthier and less dehydrated.

Hmm . . . those things don’t seem bad. Is there something I’m missing?

What would happen if I started practicing getting up to an alarm (and eventually was able to get up immediately upon the alarm going off)?

• I would have more productive hours in the day – including morning time to write or meditate.
• I might feel more rested.
• I would not feel guilty for hitting snooze over and over.
• I would get to work earlier, and get to go home earlier.
• I know what one of my issues is here – my husband. First, he isn’t interested in the idea of practicing with me. That means that I would have to practice in the morning after he leaves for work or some other time when he is not home making noises that are not present when the alarm goes off (and not around to poke fun at me). Second, our snoozing cuddle times have become commonplace. For probably over a year, we’ve gotten in the habit of hitting the snooze button for a full hour while wishing for more sleep and cuddling. I hate the wasted time involved in snoozing, but I enjoy the bonding cuddle time with my husband. It is also much harder for me to get out of bed when he is still in the bed. Most often, he gets up before me and that helps motivate me to arise as well.

Ah ha! So there is some fear involved in that one.

What would happen if I practiced my night-time self-care routine regularly?

• My skin would look better!
• My teeth would be healthier!
• I would be proud of myself!
• It would take time out of my evenings or further postpone my bedtime. I have tried the trick where I do this routine after dinner instead of right before bed – and I do think this is a good solution – but it’s hard when I have a lot of things I want to get done that night, or when I am feeling tired and lazy from a hard day.
• It sometimes makes a mess and/or gets my pajamas wet, in turn creating more laundry.

Again, there is some fear there.

And the biggest, most obvious one: What would happen if I quit smoking cigarettes?

• Well, I’ve been through this before – and there is A LOT. If you see the post linked above on my reasons for wanting to quit, you will read many of the positives that would come from quitting (including saving money, not stinking, breathing easier, etc.)
• Cigarettes are like my little friends. They are false and fickle, but they are always there for me when I need them. In my mind, I think they can help with any problem.
• Many times when I have quit before I have gotten incredibly emotional to the point of having major breakdowns for no reason with no notice. This has caused me problems at previous jobs. My husband is also acutely aware of how it affects my mood and is quick to blame quitting smoking any time I get upset (sort of like the PMS effect).
• It’s such a good procrastination tool. When I don’t want to do the next thing on my list, I can smoke first. If I still don’t want to do it, I can smoke again. If I’m in an awkward social situation or don’t know what to do with myself, I can have a smoke. If I want a break or need to get away, I can say I need to go smoke. If I’ve been drinking or doing drugs and I need something to do with myself that doesn’t involve any coordination – I can have a smoke. If I’m bored, I can have a smoke. When I am being lazy and spacing out playing The Sims instead of getting things done, I can feel like I’m doing more than staring at a screen by chain smoking at the same time.

There is A LOT of fear here, as is to be expected. I’m sure I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.

Imagine that. It turns out that all three of my February goals have some fear behind them. Maybe this knowledge will assist me in moving forward. I still think I need a motivation boost or some kind of fresh start feeling to get me back in the groove . . . but this is a start. What fears are holding you back?

Reflections on Guilt and Giving

Well I don’t know about you, but I had a lot going on this week! It seems like everything I read or heard was somehow related to my goals or goals in general. I am going to try and tie all these ideas together in my post today – let’s see how I do:

A major theme for me this week was GUILT. I was feeling guilty this week because I lacked perfection when accomplishing my goals. In fact, in some ways I really failed. On Wednesday night, I had a discussion about guilt with my husband. I should explain that my husband and I are very close. He is truly my best friend, although we are in many ways very different people. We rarely fight. However, our conversation on guilt got so heated that we both went to bed somewhat upset that night.

I’m not sure how it really came up (and I’ll admit that I’d had two glasses of wine at my hair appointment before coming home) but very quickly the main point of the conversation became the fact that my husband doesn’t really feel guilt. “WHAT?!?” I questioned, “How do you not feel guilt!?!” Well, apparently, he has somehow learned that he shouldn’t have to feel guilty for being himself. What a concept! While I think it is amazing and I wish I could be guilt-free myself, it is also totally beyond my comprehension.

I was raised to be perfect. Always keep up appearances, never fail, never make mistakes, never ask for help, financial success is the bottom line, everyone is judging me (and I should judge them, too), etc. This was the mindset of the family I grew up in. Now, I realize that this is unhealthy, but there is a limit to how much I can stop these thoughts from continuing to influence me. I don’t think it is right that I lay in bed at night hating myself because I didn’t finish all the chores on my list that day. That’s wrong. However, I also don’t think it’s OK to go through life thinking only about what’s best for you, either.

That’s where the arguing started. I began to confuse his lack of guilt with a lack of caring about other people or about accomplishing anything. I kept asking him questions like – “If you died tomorrow would you really be happy?” in order to try and get a sense from him on whether he feels anything remotely similar to the pull I feel in life. He began to feel as if I was telling him that he should feel guilty for being himself. Obviously, that is not my point. After talking with a friend and trying to sort through my feelings on the subject, I have come to the conclusion that I am jealous of him more than anything else.

I desperately feel as if life is a gift. Regardless of my lack of organized faith, I do place great stock in the power of nature. It is amazing that we exist as conscious beings on this planet – and I feel some kind of obligation to honor that gift. I’m not sure I would be able to get up on mornings that I feel depressed if I felt that life was all just pointless and that my actions and choices had no impact other than on my own happiness. I would definitely be a much more selfish (and messy) person. I also feel like it’s great to do things that make you or me happy as individuals, but it’s also very important to care for humanity as a whole.

Here is where I came to my second theme of the week: GIVING. Where is the line between taking care of yourself and giving to others? At what point is caring for oneself selfish? I wrote in my “Getting Started” post that I was going to take a break from focusing on caring for others and take this time to focus on myself in order to be better able to give in the future. Well, throughout the week I’ve come across several quotes and bits of articles on this topic and began wondering if I’d made the right choice.

On The Change Blog this week Ken Wert posted an article titled Happiness is Not for Wimps where he states:

“One of the great ironies to personal development is that the more we focus on ourselves, the further happiness drifts from us. But by losing ourselves in service to others, the more we find our true inner selves. By hoarding, we lose. By giving, we gain so much more than we give.”

That made me question if I’d made the wrong choice by taking time to focus on myself.

Then, on The Positivity Blog, Henrik Edberg posted an article titled Self-Kindness: 7 Habits That Will Help You to Live a Happier Life where he discusses finding the balance between helping yourself and helping others. One line I found particularly helpful was, “It is not selfish to take time for yourself too, we all need balance in life and to better be able to help others you need to help yourself too.” This concept is much more in line with my original thoughts.

So, which one is right? Both are. It is important to make time for oneself. If your focus is always on others, you will likely get burned out. If you are burned out, you won’t be as able to help AND you won’t be happy. If your focus is always on yourself, you will never feel truly content. Humanity, service, and compassion all bring great reward and satisfaction. And therein lays the need for balance.

To conclude this point, I do feel that I am doing the right thing by taking some time for myself. I am going to do my best to prevent my feeling guilty for making this choice. As far as feeling guilt for failing at my goals, I found a great article a while back on the O Magazine website by Holly Brubach. It is titled “You Don’t Need More Willpower . . .” and I highly recommend it. Brubach discusses the studies of Lisa Lahey, EdD and Dr. Robert Kegan regarding our instincts to hold on to old habits in order to manage our anxieties about life.

I know you’re wondering – how did I do on my goals for this week? Answer: Not great. I did not once practice getting up to an alarm; I only did my night-time self-care routine twice – and both times were half-assed; and I really only made it 1 full day without any cigarettes (maybe 48 hours at the most). Boo.

However, I did manage to succeed at my continuing goals in many ways. I did a lot of work on this blog (and got my first follower!), I kept my goals of Positivity and Simplicity, I drank more water and tea than usual (although I still need to improve on this), I ate pretty well and accomplished another Once a Month Mom big cooking day, and I crossed some things off my to-do list that had been there a very long time. That’s still a lot! So, in honor of my husband, I am going to choose not to feel guilty about the goals I didn’t accomplish and instead be proud of everything that I did do.

When I logged into my rss reader this morning, I saw a post from Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project Blog with the following quote from Flannery O’Connor:

“Accepting oneself does not preclude an attempt to become better.”

How perfect is that? I can accept and be happy with who I am today and still desire further self-improvement. I’ve never been able to find that balance before. Maybe now is the time.

And on that note, I will leave you with a song that I can somehow relate to whether I’m feeling motivated or guilty:

The Smoking Gun

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” – Audre Lorde

Well, the day has arrived to quit smoking again. I have quit dozens of time in my life, the most recent time being the most successful. I can’t say that I’m real excited about quitting again. In fact, if it wasn’t for this blog, I would probably have already made an excuse to put it off and gone out to buy cigarettes.

The saddest part is that I already successfully quit for over 2 years – less than 3 years ago – and blew it. I got cocky, I forgot my tools, and I was lured back in to the dark side. I brought my husband along with me. We’ve been smoking again for almost a year. What started out as just one, and then just one pack, and then just one night, and then just one more, has evolved back into all of the things I hated about being a smoker. Here is a list of the many things I can come up with just off the top of my head:

• I stink/the house stinks/my car stinks.
• I’m ashamed/feel guilty.
• It’s expensive.
• I can’t breathe.
• It’s dirty/makes my car dirty/makes my house dirty.
• It turns things yellow – my teeth, my fingernails, my walls.
• I hate feeling like I NEED something outside of myself. I want to be free of my additions.
• It helps me procrastinate (I’ll do that after I have one more cigarette).
• It’s a form of self-pity (I’m worthless anyway, who cares if these things are killing me).
• It’s unhealthy!
• It isolates me (I go smoke instead of socializing).
• It creates false friendships (people who wouldn’t be your friend if your addiction didn’t make them feel better about their own).

My biggest fears with quitting are that I will gain a lot of weight (last time I quit I gained 30 pounds!) and/or that I will be really emotional (a couple of times that I have quit, it induced several emotional breakdowns). In a sense, quitting smoking is an act of mourning for me. I mourn the loss of my security blanket, my accepting companion, and my rebel image.

For my last successful quit, I made regular use of a group called Voices of Nicotine Recovery. It is an online Nicotine Anonymous group that holds voice meetings. I am a busy person and a shy person. For those reasons, an online group appealed to me. Regardless, there is only one face to face meeting per week in my town, whereas VONR has several meetings a day online. The group was of incredible help to me at that time and I highly recommend it for anyone who is looking for support while quitting nicotine.

This time around, I do not think I will use the group. I feel somewhat guilty for not giving back to the group more after they helped me quit last time. I also think the novelty will have worn off considering it won’t all be new for me and that might be less inspiring. I think I have the tools to be able to do it without the support.

I am going to use nicotine-replacement. There is no way that I can quit cold turkey – especially considering the mood swings and emotional rollercoasters I experience while withdrawing from nicotine. Last time I used the full on patch program from step 1 to 3 for all the suggested lengths of time. This time I’m going to be a little more relaxed about it. I am going to start with step 2, do it for a couple of weeks, move on to step 3 for a couple of weeks, and be done with it. I know all the statistics say that following the program is more successful, but I’m just going to try and cut some corners since I think I have the tools and motivation to be successful.

I want to share some quotes and tips that I found to be particularly useful to me when I quit last, as well as things I find useful this time around. I will try to do this as I go along. For now, I will start with the 5 D’s. The 5 D’s are five tools that use can use when you want a cigarette:

1. Distract – Take your mind somewhere else. Find a chore to do. Eat a healthy snack.
2. Delay – You can do anything for 5 minutes. Just wait. I have found that 90% of the time, if I wait 5 minutes when craving a cigarette, the craving will go away. In the moment of the craving I’ll think I just can’t live without one. Once I let the moment pass, I regain my self-control.
3. Discuss – Talk about it. Tell a friend. Go to a meeting. Find a forum. Write in a journal.
4. Drink Water – As is mentioned in my “Water, Water Everywhere” post, water is great for quitting smoking. It also can replace the hand-to-mouth oral fixation that often accompanies cigarette addiction.
5. Deep Breaths – Deep breathing is great for stress relief. It can help calm you down when you’re in a frenzy. Breathing can also help you with “Distract” and “Delay.”

February Goals

Today I start 3 new goals (see my complete list of goals on my “Goals” page):

1. Quit Smoking Cigarettes (again): I smoked my last cigarette this morning. I have patches ready to go. I have started to review my notes and am getting ready to write a post about them. I still want a cigarette – this is not going to be easy.
2. Start practicing getting up to an alarm: I am not really feeling too motivated today. This is what happens. I get amped up about the idea of these goals, and then when the day comes to put them into action, I get lazy. Being accountable to the blog is a helpful motivation. I will try to practice at least once this afternoon.
3. Self-care: Start my night-time teeth and skin routine. I feel good about this now, we’ll see when it comes time to put this plan into action.

Very soon there will be two additional goals on top of the above three. In the next day or so, I am going to run out of coffee. When that happens, I am going to quit drinking it every morning. This is part of my January Drinking Water & Tea goal. In addition, once I practice getting up to the alarm at 6am for a few days, I am going to start actually getting up to the alarm at 6am for 30 days and start Sharon Salzberg’s 28-day Real Happiness meditation program.

This may seem like a lot to take on all at once, and you’re right. Part of my January goal of “Simplicity” is to limit the number of goals I start at once. This may be an excuse, but I just feel like all of these goals are so interconnected. I think the meditation, drinking water/quitting coffee, and the self-care will be helpful while quitting smoking, but I need the time in the morning from the waking up goal in order to pursue the meditation goal.

We will see as time goes on if I need to re-evaluate. I could consider putting off the meditation goal or the self-care goal for a while if I find that I need to cut back. If I can make this happen cohesively, then I would like to.